An Eternity In Hell

I have satellite Internet access, and I had a problem today. Three out of five lights were glowing green, one was blinking green and one was yellow. Not a good sign. So I called tech support, which I dread, for no other reason than it is in India. I always seem to have a difficult time explaining my problems due to language and cultural barriers.

Solving the problem takes being transferred up three to four levels of support and telling the whole story over again to someone who barely has a grasp on the American version of the English language. As a result it usually takes a very long time to get problems resolved.

Today, something was different. Instead of being routed to India, I was now the customer of a different company. It seems the company I have for access has been sold to another company. Maybe, things would be faster and smoother I thought. My hopes were immediately dashed by a welcoming message on the phone system that ran for 45 seconds. And once we got past the welcoming message, the menu had so many choices and options that by the time the choices were all listed, I had to hit star to repeat the menu to remember the one that I needed. Once I selected tech support option for my satellite receiver I was put on hold.

I was on hold a long time listening to the same 45 second message extolling the virtues of my new service provider followed by the first sign of what I can call an electronic torture session: “Please remain on the line, calls are answered in the order they are received.” After which I got to listen to the virtues of my new service provider…again and again and again. Each repeat of the message was beginning to feel like being lashed by a bullwhip.

This went on for about seven or eight minutes before I got the bright idea of counting how many times I was lashed with the whip… I mean how many times I had to listen to the message. After nine more lashes, I began to try all my tricks to get past the automated system, and no matter what I tried, I kept getting “That is not a valid selection.” And the lashing…I mean the message would start over.

After a while it gets past the point of frustration and borders on the stupid. I sat here on hold listening to the same message over and over again for nearly an hour. This is where the stupid part comes in. I am justifying sitting here being tortured; by thinking I have been here on hold so long I must be getting to the top of the queue. As I have that thought, the demons inside the phone system laughed so hard they start to choke.

After an hour and fifteen minutes, the repetition of the message started doing strange things to me. I became paranoid. I knew that some how they knew I had been waiting a long time and they were waiting for the right moment to dump my call. I needed to go to the bathroom, but knew the moment I left someone would pick up my call and decide no one was there and hang up forcing me to start the process all over again…so I suffered. And by all indications, if I want high-speed access I will continue to suffer.

As a customer, I am being taken for granted and I know it. Proof of this the fact it is a reoccurring problem, and each time I call tech support it takes longer and longer to talk to a live tech. This is proof to me the company is spending money to get customers, but not spending enough to keep pace with the increases in customer service calls.

Sitting here uncomfortable and feeling stupid for sitting here this long letting them do this to me, I made a decision. I am going switch high-speed access providers. This was not an easy decision for me to make. I was a satisfied customer for a long time, but as the company grew, customer service shrank. I wonder how many others abandoned ship before I finally saw the water level rising. No wonder the company was sold.

During this opportunity I had to reflect on life, I had other calls coming in on my line, and instead of putting this line on hold to take other calls; I let them go through to voice mail. For all I know one of them could have been Ed McMahon calling to tell me I won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, but since I didn’t pick up they called some one else.

Frustrated beyond belief at going through this same problem every few months, I am about to abandon ship. I am no longer a loyal and patient customer. After I get my service back on line I am going to do research and the satellite provider with the best marks for both customer service and reliability are going to get my business.

Finally at one hour and twenty-one minutes I got a different message, “Your call is now being transferred.” and my hopes soared. I felt vindicated for having waited. I was elated about the fact my problem would soon be solved. Maybe the new company was going to be the answer to my prayers after all. I was over the top excited again because some one was about to take my call!

“Hello. I am Rajheed, but you may call me Steve.” I was back in hell.